Monday, July 28, 2008 SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 11:50 PM
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE X=
X= take into account that great love & great achievements involve great risk.
X= when you lose, don't lose the lesson.
X= follow the three R's
- respect for self
- respect for others &
- responsibility for all your actions
X= remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
X= learn the rules so that you know how to break them properly.
X= don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
X= when you realise you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
X= spend some time alone every day.
X= open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
X= remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
X= live a good, honourable life. then when you get older & think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
X= a loving atmosphere in your house is the foundation for your life.
X= in disagreements with loved ones, deal with only the current situation. don't bring up the past.
X= share your knowledge. it is a way to achieve immortality.
X= be gently with the world.
X= once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
X= remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
X= judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
X= approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
this is what my friend had send me !
i think that "don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship"
is what i need to understand the most NOW !
will try to not let a little dispute injure a great relationship - FRIENDSHIP !by the way,mr wong show us a short show during A maths.it is about "the last lecture"i remebered something.it is "treasure one another"i will treasure my friends and famile members !& when mr wong is talking about don't know what thing,suddenly i think of AH PA.and i cried a bit.lucky,i think no one realise.will try not to think of AH PA during lesson.hahas=Pthere are other meaningful pharse too.
but i did not copy it down.posted by piingx.
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 11:40 PM
today,nothing much actually.SLACKING AGAIN !damn boring during lessons.slept during geography lesson =Xmr chan is damn good.he don't catch us for sleeping.hahas.did not listen during bala's lesson also.it was so so boring lurh.after school,stay in class until about 3:15 p.m.den went library borrow books.& went home sleep =Pby the way,SORRY WORR DOGG.today a bit or maybe a lot show attitude to you !because i am thinking of something.& trying to solve it.so before i come up with a better solution,maybe,i won't be that close to you.see how first =X& don't sleep during lesson !don't think i don't know you sleep during lesson.although i won't get too close to you recently.but i will try to ask jun kang wake you up !STAY FOCUS AND STUDY !posted by piingx.
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 12:21 AM
i don't know whether i should go or not.i rather learn form the pro den them la.but i scared later too stress.too many homeworks.too many projects.still need care this care that.do this do that.everytime say don't care about red cross.but in the end,still care.dont know why..really don't know whether should go or not... =Xposted by piingx.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 2:35 AM
BALA LESSON IS REALLY BORING !i everytime feel sleepy during his lesson.so i decided to read book instead.RECENTLY,I REALLY HATE STUDYING !i don't know why..i think is because every lesson is BORING !i just simply hate almost every subject.such as A math (don't understand anything !),E math(bala lesson is boring & sometimes don't understand),chemistry(lesson is boring too,don't understand ),social studies (don't like mdm how),geography(don't understand)the subject that i find it OKAY !physics (i like ms ho to teach me),chinese(it is quite fun),english(ms sasi is very good).it is like i hate so many subjects and liek so little subjects.MAINLY IS BECAUSE I HAVE NO MOOD TO STUDY,I DON'T FEEL LIKE STUDYING.I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE TEACHING(so might as well don't listen)/posted by piingx.
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 2:26 AM
wednesday - X 23 July 2008went to yunxin house today.with dog.xuan and zhen never go,cos they got tuition.actually,we wanted to study.but we ended up chattingwe study for awhile den we start chatting.we chatted about quite a lot of things.mostly on sec 1 and 2 things.very long never chat with yunxin already.everytime,she after school straight go home.so did not have a chance to chat together.or sometimes is because xuan and zhen is there.if we chat about out 1e2 or 2e2.then they will have nothing to do.and look so boring.like that we won't have the mood to carry on chatting.today,xuan and zhen is not there.we can chat about anything.i haf fun today.i had also found out that..i can focus when with yunxin.although today we did not study much.but i still think that i can study with her.my distance with yunxin is nearer and nearer.but my distance with xuan and zhen is further and further.so is that good or bad??i also not sure..posted by piingx.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 11:40 PM
XUAN RU,why do you have to do thing that will make you feel sad and unhappy.why do you want to ask xuan that question?maybe before she reply,
you had already know the answer.
or maybe not.her reply can make you feel either happy or sad.it is all depends on you to whether you want to be happy or sad.or you just don't ask that question.and you would be the state that you are in before you ask that question.it can be happy or sad.or just normal.since you had decided to ask her that question.then,you should be prepared to feel either sad or happy.so think so much about her answer.DON'T THINK TOO MUCH !AND BE HAPPY !
KAES??PROMISE??posted by piingx =P
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 12:11 AM
i don't want my mother to be sad,that is why i had always thought that...why my mother die,den i will not care.will not care about myself..will not care about anythings.NOW,i actually did not purposely want to hurt myself..i did not purposely want to fall sick..because i know,my mother will be worry about me.at least,when i know it is raining,sometimes i will not try to walk in the rain.sometimes,i will also try to eat regularly.i will take care of myself when needed.at least when my mother is still alive.if she's not,there's no need to.i see no purpose in doing that.i believe that by that time,i would have probably lost contact with secondary school friends.or maybe not as close with them.when i die,i do not want anyone to know about that.not even my friends,or relatives.posted by piingx.
Sunday, July 20, 2008 SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 7:08 PM
yesterday,i found out from my mother that my uncle is in the hospital.i am thinking that WHY ???WHY GOOD PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS THE ONE SUFFERING??
AND THE BAD ARE ALWAYS ENJOYING ??WHY??
UNCLE is so good,he help us when we need help.and he suffered from minore heart problem.MAMA is so good,
and SHE last time have HEART PROBLEM.
and she suffered a lot !AH PA is so good,and HE died of cancer.he suffered a lot before he die.he look very TONG KU before he die !WHY WHY WHY??I RATHER I DIE !OR I SUFFER !AND NOT ALL THE OTHER THAT ARE GOOD !AND TO MAKE MAMA NOT TO GO THROUGH THE SUFFERING !AND TO BE ABLE TO LET AH PA COME ALIVE !IT IS REALLY UNFAIR !i know that everything are unfair.but i just don't want to see this unfair-ness !BY THE WAY,I REMEMBERED THAT AH PA BIRTHDAY IS ON LUNAR 9 OF JULY.WHICH IS 9 OF AUGUST.THAT WILL BE 20 DAYS MORE!COUNT DOWN TO THAT DAY !THINK WILL BE DAMN EMO ON THAT DAY!posted by piingx =P
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 6:48 PM
saturday -X 19 July 2008went to find boon sen at night,to go through food hygiene thing.when going to finish going through,li san called boon sen and tell him that our food hygiene thing will be post-poned to next sunday.but we still continue going through.after that,we went to KFC to eat.when we finish eating,it is about 10p.m.i do not want to go home so early so we walk here walk there.we walk until dog house downstairs.remembered LAST TIMEwhen we are still small.AH PA always bring us to the playground to play,and to cycle.NOW, we no longer can do that anymore.i would not be that happy anymore.THE HAPPIEST TIME THAT I EVER HAD, IS WHEN I AM STILL SMALL. WHEN AH PA IS STILL ALIVE. WHEN ALL OF US WENT OUT TOGETHER TO PLAY. AND TO EAT. I WOULD NOT BE LIKE BEFORE. THAT HAPPYY. EVEN SOMETIME WHEN I LOOK HAPPY. OR VERY VERY HAPPY. I WON'T BE AS HAPPY AS LAST TIME !
at least,i improved,i am not that sad anymore.i did not cry yesterday when i think of AH PA.actually,i do not want to improve.i want to always think of AH PAi want to always remember AH PA.he will always be in my HEART !I DON'T WANT TO IMPROVED !posted by piingx =P
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 6:45 PM
LI XUAN RU,U EVERYTIME SAY I THINK TOO MUCH.YOU ALSO !posted by piingx =P
Thursday, July 17, 2008 SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 10:49 PM
xuan ru !
must take care.
i don't want you to die earlier than me.
or to had something serious happening to me.
u are really very very weak!
i don't want to be unhappy again.
because of someone close to me had die.
or something had happened to them.
I REALLY DON'T WANT!
or i will take a even longer time to become happy.
I REALLY DO NOT WANT ANY TYPE OF THIS HAPPENING AGAIN.
ONCE IS ENOUGH.
IF ONE MORE,
I WILL BE HARD TO BECOME HAPPY !I WILL TAKE A LONG TIME TO HEAL MY WOUNDS!posted by piingx
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 10:24 PM
i am really very stupid.i seems to believe in people a lot!i will believe in whatever they say!am i really that stupid until like that??why am i so stupid?does they know that when they bluff me,i will be hurt?although it is not that serious,but seriously,i hate people to bluff me!really HATE !
why do they have to bluff me?whenever i know that some people had bluff me,i will be really very sad.i am like so easy to be bluff and cheated.so they bluff again and again.and i ALWAYS believe.because i believe,they KEPT bluffing.this had make me think that i am someone that is being used to help them but i suffered.such as,whenever boon sen had called me to work.at first,i would say NO NO NO.but in the end,i still say YES.because he will say REALLY down crew or wat.but on the day i work.there are like so many CREW !and zhen khan!he call me go stupid unit leader course hting.at first,i also say NO NO NO.but in the end,i still say YES.because he say there are no one else to choose from.but actually there are.it is only that he don't want.and i suffered!lastly is xuan ru!he everytime everytime bluff me!!and i everytime believe!the first few times when i know le bluff me,i kept telling myself that i would not be bluff by him again.i would not believe in what he say.but, i still can't do this.i do not know why.and whenever know that he bluff me!i am not angry!but ithink that i am stupid.and somehow will feel a bit sad.REALLY HATE TO BE BLUFFED!posted by piingx.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008 SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 7:16 PM
PIINGX IS DOING TWO SECRET TASK !i had thought it through le.and had found the answer.but i am not confident in my own answer.actually i do not want this answer.but i have no choice.other than doing this,i think there are no better way le.although this way is not that good also.TO ME !but to the others,think and HOPE that this way will benefit them.posted by piingx.
Friday, July 11, 2008 SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 12:01 AM
thursday -X 10 July 2008
10 PROMISES TO MY DOG !
1. Listen patiently to what I say.
2. Trust me, for I am always by your side.
3. Play with me a lot.
4. Don’t forget that I have feelings too.
5. Let’s never fight.
6. If I don’t obey you, I have a good reason.
7. You have school and friends, but as for me, I only have you.
8. Stay as my best friend even when I’m old.
9. I’ll only live for ten years, so let’s make every moment count
10. I’ll never forget the life together. So when the time comes, remember I’ll always be by your side.
THE MOVIE IS VERY VERY VERY NICE !
TOUCHING !
tiings says that alomost 99.99% of people that watch this movie will cry.
but i don't think so.
to xuan ru..
i know.
u are not human.
u are DOG !
so you cry.
hahas
just kidding.
posted by piingx
Thursday, July 10, 2008 SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 11:22 PM
grey wording -
BORING ! [
=X ]
blue wording -
STUPID - NESS ! [
=X ]
green wording -
UNDERSTAND - ED ! [
=P ]
yellow wording -
HAPPY ! [
=P ]
purple wording -
TROUBLE - ED ! [
=X ]
thursday -X 10 July 2008
bala's lesson is so so so so so BORING !he kept teaching the same thing again and again.although i do not understand some of the things that he teach,but i really cannot concentrate during his lesson.so i read story book.hahas.=Xi found out that although i focus and listen to what the teacher is teaching,i still do not understand what they are teaching.am i really that stupid?haix.=Xi think it through already,i want to start studying.and not to think so much about the past.i want to make myself happy.and NOT EMO !=Pso long as i am happy,i will be able to do well in study.and any other things=Pi really do not wish to go to school tomorrow.have so many things to do tomorrow,like got red cross( training sux. still got induction thing, need to iron uniform )the shang hai buddies thing( troublesome sia )geography test( don't understand anything that mr chan taught, haven't even study fot it ) i don't want to go to school tomorrow.=Xposted by piingx
Wednesday, July 09, 2008 SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 11:32 PM
green wording -
remember AH PAwednesday -X 09 July 2008
today,
did not went to watch movie with tiingx they all.
at home play computer game.
wanted to go study with xuan ru at 8p.m plus.
but 2nd sister don't allow.
stay at home watch show until 10p.m
no more food at home,
so went out to buy maggi.saw block 476.remember AH PA again.so went to 476's void deck sit.sit for quite long and then go home.EMO after that.
really no mood to study,
think would sleep early.
don't care about anything now.
posted by piingx
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 11:16 PM
wednesday -X 09 July 2008SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO HAVE.BUT I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT POSSIBLE.01. to go back to the PAST.02. to make AH PA alive03. to not to be so EMO.04. to not think about the PAST.05. to not think about AH PA.06. to FOCUS on studying.07. to be more HAPPY.08. to have a BEST friend. (before P6,got liping. now have no one)09. to study hard and earn lots of MONEY.10. to not think about anything and die NOW.11. to not think about anything and irresponsibly quit RED CROSS.posted by piingx
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 4:47 PM
red wording -
angry [
=X ]
purple wording -
stress [
=/ ]
wednesday -X 09 July 2008
today,
went with zhen khan,claudia and logesh to see ms jey after red cross meeting.
logesh leave after finish discussing what he had to say.
left with claudia, zhen khan and me with ms jey.
zhen khan asked about the student leader induction thing.
ms jey say i must go because i went for ULP.
den only can choose zhen khan or claudia.
claudia cannot go so zhen khan go with me.
can see that claudia are unhappy with me la.she is like so unhappy during the meeting ler.=XI AM LIKE SO SO SO ANGRY !IT LOOK AS IF IS MY FAULT LA.i also don't want to go.is ms jey force me to go.then claudia unhappy.she want to go so much,let her go.i don't want to go.go for what??i also not the leader.STUPID LA !good thing never see them find me.bad things so many for me!IDIOT LA.unfair lor..i go for ULP, need to do so many things.all the achievements belong to them.NOT ME !so what for i do so many things?IT'S UNFAIR ! ! ! everytime discuss about red cross things will make me so angry and unhappy !i really want to quit red cross.because of this,
my whole mood had turn bad.
for the remaining few hours until next morning.
BECAUSE OF THESE STUPID RED CROSS THING.
I HATE CLAUDIA !
just now i told zhen khan that i feel like quitting red cross.he asked why?i do not know how to tell him the answer.I AM REALLY TOO STRESS !later will make him feel like i did not do much things and i am feeling so stress.it is like he do so many things also did not look like he feel stress!I AM SO USELESS !HOW?? HOW?? HOW??I NEED HELP.SOMEONE PLEASE HELP !posted by piingx.
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 1:25 AM
blue wording - cry when postingpurple wording - what i had written in the paperwednesday -X 09 July 2008
today,
after meeting xuan ru.
he took me to interchange and i took bus home.
on the bus,
i had been thinking and thinking.
i suddenly realised that i have so much things i want to say.
i did not went home straight.
i went to block 476 voiddeck.
i wrote the letter that i want to give xuan ru.
NOT LOVE LETTER.
IS JUST NOW THAT LETTER.
when i reach block 476 voiddeck,i suddenly think of AH PA.I REALLY REALLY REALLY MISS HIM !I THINK OF HIM !how i wish that,really he did not die.all the things will remained the same.i really regret it!!i regret all the things that i had not done for him!and all the things that i had done to him!AH PA,I REALLY REALLY REALLY MISSED YOU!REALLY,
if i need 1millions to buy a door that will allow me to go back to the past,
i will work VERY VERY hard for this goal.
i had wrote my feelings on a paper.
but i throwed it away.
i can still remember what i had writen.
"Last time after mama's operation,I am really worried that she would not survive.But now,how i wish that mama will die.i do not want her to die because i hate her.IT IS BECAUSE I WANT TO DIE TOO! IF NOT FOR MAMA,I WOULD HAD DIE LE.WHEN AH PA DIE.I DO NOT WANT MAMA TO BE SAD THAT I HAD LEFT EARLIER THAN HER.SO I DID NOT WANT TO DIE.IF SHE REALLY DIE,I WOULD DIE WITH HER TOO!living in the world is really a torture.And i hate it.i hate to be an human"posted by piingx
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 1:00 AM
LETTER TO XUAN RU !Xuan Ru,You know what?
Sometimes when i am with you,i would feel disappointed and angry with you.Therefore sometimes i would looked emo and quiet.It is because i think that you did not treat me as a best friend.Not to mention BEST friend.i think no even GOOD friend.i know that there's a lot of unhappy things that had happened to you recently,but you kept it to yourself.You did not want to tell anyone.Not even friend.IT IS NOT THAT I DO NOT LIKE TO STUDY WITH YOU.REALLY NOT!IT IS JUST THAT SOMETIMES I WILL FEEL EMO WHEN STUDYING WITH YOU!SORRY !Sometimes when i am with you, you would suddenly turn emo,or sometimes emo than back to very happy.I know you act de.you do not want me to know that you are emo.I really think that i am not good enough to be your GOOD friend(not to mention BEST friend).You are the one that are always helping me,but i did not ever help you once.You are always good in comforting me.But me, i can do nothing to comfort you.i am really useless.wo bu pei zuo ni de hao pen you !I can admit that recently i am quite emo.REALLY SORRY !i really do not know why.i think it is all because of-studies [ i really can't cope with all the studies ]-CCA [ there is really too much things to do ler ]-personal stuff [ all the usual stuff that will REALLY make me unhappy ]You had told me that a lot more people are more stress than me.I know about this.But i REALLY REALLY can't take all the stress.i am not someone that is really that strong to take all the stress.REALLY NOT !that is why i can't even manage small stress.i really can't take all the stress le.SORRY XUAN RU !You told me that i can tell xuan they all and tiingx my troubles,but i do not want them to know.i had only told you about HE past away.i had told no one else.Sometimes when i am emo,i will indirectly or directly caused you to be emo.I DO NOT WANT THIS !1 people emo is enough, do not need 2 !you must be happy.DON'T be emo.PROMISE ME !wednesday -X 09 July 2008
posted by piingx.
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 12:46 AM
red wording -
angry and stressed [
=X ]
wednesday -X 09 July 2008today,
really very angry and stressed!!about all the red cross thing.=Xbecause i go for Unit Leader Programme [ULP],i have to sacrifices all of my holiday going to 3 contact sessions and 4days 3 night camp.because i go for Unit Leader Programme [ULP], i have to do Exercise Neutrality proposal after the camp.because i go for Unit Leader Programme [ULP],i am involved in a lot of unneccessary red cross things.because i go for Unit Leader Programme [ULP],i have to go for the stupid student leader induction(which i do not know what it is).because i go for Unit Leader Programme [ULP],i had wasted all my time in doing unneccessary things.because i go for Unit Leader Programme [ULP],i have so many things to do for red cross.because i go for Unit Leader Programme [ULP],they what also call me to do which i should not be involved in.because i go for Unit Leader Programme [ULP],i had so much stress.because i go for Unit Leader Programme [ULP],i cannot cope with my studies [REALLY].=XALL IS BECAUSE OF UNIT LEADER PROGRAMME [ULP].now,i REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE RED CROSS! =X
i really cannot cope with all the stress that red cross had given me ler.
I REALLY WANT TO TELL MS JEY AND ZHEN KHAN THAT I CAN'T COPE WITH IT TOO !
but i dare not =Xposted by piingx
SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 12:12 AM
LATE UPDATE !
saturday -X 6 july 2008
orange wording -
extreme happy [
=P ]
green wording -
a bit disappointed [
=X ]
on saturday,yunxin, xuan, dason, xuan ru and me went to watch10 PROMISES TO MY DOG(YU GUO GUO DE SHI GE CHEN NUO).that is really really really a nice movie!it is the nicest movie that i had watched!it is also the first movie that i had cried when watching.i really cried almost throughout the whole movie.it is a touching movie.=Pactually tiingx and zhen are planned to watch wth us too.but tiingx cannot make it.it is because mama went home and called her to accompany her.=Xactually zhen can watch with us.because we bought the 4.20p.m movie at about 4.25p.mwe thought that we would miss the beginning,but we did not.the movie started at about 4.45p.m.yunxin say it may be because they think that too many people had not bought the ticket so they postponed the time.when the movie is going to start,zhen had already reached J8.but she did not want to but the ticket as it looked weirdand also because she had already promised to wacth with simin ler.=Xtiingx will be watching10 PROMISES TO MY DOG
(YU GUO GUO DE SHI GE CHEN NUO)with mac people tomorrow.actually i want to go too.because it is really a nice nice nice movie.but i am not sure whether i want to go,because it is a waste of money.HOW??i really really really feel like watching.hahas.=XHAD A NICE AND FUN DAY ON 5JULY2008 !posted by piingx
Friday, July 04, 2008 SMILE ALWAYS AFTER 11:36 PM
purple wording - emotional [ =( ]monday -X 04 July 2008REALLY feeling very tired le.REALLY REALLY !!!why is it that i have to do so many things?WHY???i had been doing things for NOTHING !but i still continue doing.i duno WHY?duno why am i so stupid and stubborn.i jus can't change this BAD habit and PERSONALITIES !all these had caused me not able to sleep in past few days.really feeling very tired !all these had caused me to feel so xin ku.somemore,everytime like going to fall sick like that.but never fall sick.i am in de middle of sick and not sick.had been coughing for 2 weeks le.still haven recover.haix.really dun care le.DIE BETTER !wan rest oso cannot.haven been able to sleep for last few days.tmr still nid so early wake up for special walk thing.my 2nd sister jus now say,"u think u god arh? no need rest. sick le still dun rest. "it is not i dun wan rest.is CANNOT rest.RED CROSS RED CROSS.u think i wan.if can choose, who wan?I BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE MORE THINGS COMING UP AFTER THESE!MORE STRESS !
MORE FEEL LIKE DIEING !if not for my mother,i would rather die.no one cares.DIE can no nid care so much ler.
